When Enough Is Not Enough

As a preacher, writer, and parent I have learned the hard way that words matter. The words that we choose to describe people, places, things, and ideas should be chosen carefully and after careful consideration so that the meaning is clear. We live in a time where the ideas we communicate can have profoundly positive effects or disastrously destructive consequences. It’s one of the reasons that I ask people to critique my words, so that I can know not just what they heard, but how they heard it. 

It is also the reason that when I review and critique the words of others that I try to make it as clear as possible that I am not doing so out of malice or with the intention of dismissing their ideas. I thrive on listening to the variety of ideas that color our world. Good ideas can and do come from everywhere. But that doesn’t mean that all ideas are true, constructive, or spoken with love. 

Melissa Camara Wilkins, author of Permission Granted: Be Who You Were Made to be and Let Go of the Rest, tackles the question of what it means to be “enough”. In a blogpost titled “What It Means to be Enough” she seeks to comfort those who feel that they do not measure up to the world’s standards, to the judgements of others. 

“Because “you are enough” does not mean that you have been measured and considered and judged, and that you have finally earned the label of “enough. It doesn’t mean that you’ve worked long enough, tried hard enough, presented well enough. It’s simply who you are. The you that you are is enough.”

This is a reassuring statement in a world where it can feel like we are always trying to live up to others’ expectations. Our value isn’t determined by how others perceive us, how they measure if we have achieved a certain status, or if we fit into a certain mold. 

But it is here that the message becomes a little convoluted. She makes what sounds like two contradictory statements. While she acknowledges that being enough doesn’t mean that we are perfect or that we don’t need help she also states that we are already valid, worthy, acceptable, and loved. 

“You are enough means that you don’t have to strive to become more worthy, more valid, more acceptable, or more loved. You already are all of those things.”

“You are enough as you are, mess and all, beautiful and broken, showing up for your life every day. That’s all you have to be and all you have to do. You’re already enough.”

It is here that I wish I could more fully understand her definition of the word “enough”. Looking at the Oxford English Dictionary, we find the following definition. Adj: “As much or as many as required or wanted; sufficient in quantity or number.” It feels like the author is trying to tell me that I am something, a noun, instead of describing something about me, an adjective. This may sound picky but words matter. 

How can I be sufficient and still need to grow? How can I be adequate and still be broken? In other words how can I be enough and yet still not enough? I think the author is making a statement about how we’ve been made and it’s here that I find myself sharing her starting point but walking in a different direction. 

When the author says that someone  is “enough” she is saying that they embody what it means to be sufficient, that in their identity they are adequate. And I can see how powerful this statement is. We live in an age where our identity is at the heart of how we describe ourselves and how we relate to others. We want to be sure of our identity and we want our identity to be affirmed by others. But being enough is not an identity.

We want to be sure of our identity and we want our identity to be affirmed by others. But being enough is not an identity. 

As Christins we are not called to strive to be more valid, acceptable, or loved. I fully agree with the author here. Where I, and I believe that our Christian faith diverges, is the notion that I am enough as I am. As human beings, we are created in the image of God. Our creation is characterized by love, intentionality, and purpose. God does not make mistakes nor does God regret creating us. The missing piece in the author’s argument, which I don’t hold against her because she is not writing from a Christian perspective, is that because we are broken, sinful, and in need of reconciliation with God that we are inherently incomplete. That feeling of incompleteness, of brokenness can feel like we aren’t enough, especially when we compare ourselves to others. 

I agree that striving to be valid, acceptable, and loved are dead ends. No matter what I do I will never truly be those things for others and for myself. In the context of the Don’t Swim Alone Project I find that many clergy, myself included, feel that no matter what we do and how hard we work we never cross the finish line. The goalposts are constantly being moved as we are expected to keep growing our faith communities, building our endowments (if we have one), and creating more programs that serve more people. The work never ends. And as the work never ends the stress and burnout only increase. We may feel that what we do is not enough in the eyes of God and those whom we serve. 

The Good News is that I am loved unconditionally. God’s love is not contingent on my worthiness, ability to understand God’s call, my faithfulness, my track record in caring for others, or that I am just downright adorable. God loves me because God is God. And it is here that as Christians where we can console and bless those who are feeling that they aren’t enough by pointing them to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. If you are feeling like you have failed, that’s ok. There are times when Jesus felt like a failure. If you are like nobody understands you, that’s ok. Jesus spent most of his ministry trying to reveal his true self to people with varying degrees of success. And if you feel disconnected from God and from others then know that Jesus felt that intensely during his crucifixion as he cried out “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?!”

The message of the cross is that while we are not enough, to save ourselves, to reconnect ourselves to God, to overcome our own sin, and ultimately to defeat death. God is. And here is the important part. God is not asking you or I to do any of those things. He is simply asking us to surrender our heart to Jesus Christ so that he can do those things on our behalf. If I was enough I wouldn’t need a savior. If I was enough I wouldn’t need eternal life. The only one who can embody “enough” is Jesus Christ. 

 If I was enough I wouldn’t need a savior. If I was enough I wouldn’t need eternal life. The only one who can embody “enough” is Jesus Christ. 

In his letter to the Romans Paul summed it up nicely:

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,” - Romans 3:23-24. 

And when I embrace the one who is “enough” then I become someone new, a new creation. Jesus may meet us where we are but he doesn’t want to leave us. 

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;” 2 Corinthians 5:17-18

Those can be difficult words to hear in a world where we hesitate to preach that all are sinners and that all need Christ. The image we have of God comes into play as well. If we view God as only condemning and not compassionate, as distant instead of engaged then we can be prone to not feeling enough. 

I have two teenage sons whom I love deeply. I don’t love them because they are smart, even though they are, or because they are cute, they actually are. I love them because they are my sons. I strive to love them unconditionally as modeled by God who loves us each unconditionally. Even if they make mistakes or hurt our relationship it doesn’t change the fact that I love them. But I don’t love them because they embody what it means to be enough. I love them because of the image of God they bear, and that they bear some of my image as well. There is nothing they can do to earn my love just as there is nothing that I can do to earn God’s love. Because if it’s possible to earn love then it’s possible for that love to be taken away or withheld. 

This post has been a little different from others on this blog because it hasn’t focused solely on clergy health and wellness. I reiterate that I’m not trying to be uncharitable to the author. Her encouragement, especially of young people, is something that I wish I had heard growing up when I was being bullied, being measured by my peers and found wanting. But I believe that whenever we as Christians hear an idea or a concept, especially one that is making the rounds in sermons, memes, and teachings in our faith communities we owe it to ourselves and those whom we teach to place it in the light of the Gospel. 

Our primary identity is that we are created in the image of God. To be truly human is to live into that image. No, we are not enough. We are not enough for the world, for people, and yes even ourselves. And yes that is ok. God doesn’t ask us to be enough. He doesn’t make enough a prerequisite to being loved. But if we keep feeling like we aren’t enough then it’s time to ask how God is asking us to be transformed. And in that new creation, that eternal life we will be more than enough.