Stop Making New Year's Resolutions!

Every New Year's Day, like clockwork, millions of people will seek to change their lives by resolving to do things like lose weight, exercise, be more mindful, or better themselves by learning a new skill. I applaud them. It takes initiative and self-awareness to recognize where we might need to change and then begin the long arduous journey of self-improvement. The only problem is that New Year’s resolutions rarely if ever translate into real and lasting change. The people who join the gym on the 1st of January have usually quit by the end of February. This doesn’t mean that they should never have tried. It is always a good time to start the journey of self-improvement. But I wonder if we are getting off on the wrong foot. 

My experiences of starting a new diet or exercise regimen, of committing myself to read more, pray more, and just be more follows the same pattern as so many other people. I begin with a great deal of energy and enthusiasm. I buy some new gym clothes, look up recipes for diets, and set aside some time in my calendar. But eventually the energy wanes. I’m betrayed by my lack of discipline and without the proper support I fall away and into my old habits. Then the self-loathing and self-judgement sets in and now I feel that I have not only myself but others around me. As a result, I hesitate to try again. That’s why I’ve given up making New Year’s resolutions. 

"New Year’s resolutions are inherently about me and my own life. They are an expression of who I have decided that I want to be and how I plan to use my own energy, strength, and willpower to get there."

New Year’s resolutions are inherently about me and my own life. They are an expression of who I have decided that I want to be and how I plan to use my own energy, strength, and willpower to get there. They are a declaration to the world that I will accomplish what I have set out to do, as if I was a lonely traveler on a harsh and unforgiving road. The problem with all of this is that isn’t the model that as Christians it isn't the model that Christ told us to follow. 

Firstly, our lives aren’t just about us. Our lives are about our relationship with God and our neighbor. While it’s good to resolve to improve ourselves so that we can be better parents, partners, and members of our community, at the heart of the  Christian life is the reality that everything we do affects everyone around us. Nothing we do affects only us. Our desire for self-improvement shouldn’t just be about how we will make ourselves better but how by being better we will enhance the lives of others. It’s the difference between desiring to exercise and lose weight so that I can look better in a mirror vs how my commitment to health empowers me to live more faithfully in community and help others on their health journeys. 

Secondly, we were never meant to go it alone. Christ sent out his disciples two by two. The Book of Ecclesiastes reminds us of the merit of bringing someone along for our journey.. 

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Eccl 4:9-12).

"Too often I have set out on my journey of self-improvement believing that in order for it to mean something that I have to do it alone, as if asking for and receiving help would somehow diminish the accomplishment."

Too often I have set out on my journey of self-improvement believing that in order for it to mean something that I have to do it alone, as if asking for and receiving help would somehow diminish the accomplishment. How many times have I started something only to realize that it's bigger than I can handle and become discouraged? This can be especially true when we try to take on a new spiritual discipline. I love the image of Jesus going off alone to pray to God so that he would never lose the sense of communion with God. But the overwhelming example we have of prayer in the Christian life is when “two or three are gathered together”. As I’ve heard it said by more than one savvy clergyperson “Christianity is not a lone ranger religion. It’s meant to be lived in community”. 

Instead of making resolutions that are just for ourselves I invite us instead to make promises. A close reading of the baptismal liturgy in the 1979 Book of Common Prayer reminds us that we don’t resolve to follow Jesus Christ, or respect the dignity of every human being. We promise. We make promises because we are reaching out in faith to try and be someone whom God has called, someone greater than we are now. We make promises not just to God but through the grace of God who walks with us in those promises. That’s why when we break those promises we are called to ask God to help us pick ourselves up and try again. If we only resolved to love and obey God by our own strength then we find just how quickly our strength would fail. We would find ourselves in the pit of despair as we struggle to dig ourselves out. But because we have promised and entered into covenant with God we can have hope. We know that even if we falter, God never falters. God doesn’t resolve to do things, God promises. This year it might be time to follow God’s example and do the same.