"How Is It With Your Soul?"

About two weeks ago I gathered for a retreat with other clergy from our diocese to spend some time in worship, reflection, and fellowship. It isn’t a great deal of time in comparison to the time we spend in our individual faith communities and ministerial contexts but it’s important because as brothers and sisters who have taken vows to love and serve God by loving and serving God’s people we need this time together to build collegiality and friendship. Our bishop posed an important question that still resonates in my mind and about which I’ve been praying. 

“How is it with your soul?”

The bishop was referring to the question posed by the Wesleyans who would greet one another with that question. Hearing the simplicity and intimacy of that question gave me pause because it isn’t the first question I ask when I greet people. My standard practice, and I dare say the standard practice of many people both clergy and lay is to ask “How are you doing?”. It’s a polite question that has evolved into a standard greeting we sometimes hope people don’t answer. We know that by the response we usually get: “Fine”. And while sometimes it is fine, there are moments when we know it’s not. We know as the one asking the question that it isn’t fine and we know as the one answering that it isn’t fine. But still we ask the same question and still we give the same response. 

And while sometimes it is fine, there are moments when we know it’s not. We know as the one asking the question that it isn’t fine and we know as the one answering that it isn’t fine. But still we ask the same question and still we give the same response. 

I was blessed to have facilitated a grief support group where instead of a program or a book which we followed we asked one question, “How are you doing?”. The difference was that everyone in the group knew that in order to be accountable to one another that if we chose to answer that question honestly. It was ok to be fine and not to be fine. The important part was that we answered truthfully and allowed others to walk with us in our grief. 

When we ask one another how it is with our souls we are posing a question that requires a thoughtful answer. It isn’t just a polite greeting. It is saying that you have my attention and my concern. Asking how it is with your soul pushes us to answer if we are rested in mind, body, and spirit. It is asking if we are being fed physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is asking if we are joyful and at peace. That question can’t be answered with “fine”. It requires time and effort, sometimes a cup of tea or coffee, and hopefully some prayer and laughter mixed in for good measure though tears are perfectly acceptable. 

On this great feast of thanksgiving I’m reminded of all the people that I see only once or twice a year. Sometimes this is the case because of work schedules or physical distance. But too often it's because of the spiritual distance we feel from others. But what if this year instead of asking “how are you doing?” and accepting “fine” we challenged ourselves to be more curious. What if we asked how it was with our neighbor’s soul and then listened? 

We might learn that the differences we perceive aren’t as cavernous. We might learn that it’s ok if we are rested or tired, calm or anxious, fed or hungry, joyful or sullen, at peace or feeling conflicted because God has made our soul, a unique and sacred gift, to glorify God and to bring light to the world. We might just be grateful for the soul sitting across from us at the table. And with gratitude comes love, mercy, and forgiveness. With gratitude comes the abiding presence of God.